"it" just moved
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
