I want to walk on stilts...naked
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
