Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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