you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
