Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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