He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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