I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
