woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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