This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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