dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
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