its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
