four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
