The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I have feelings that need drinking.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
