we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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