you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
