sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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