Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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