Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
