i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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