he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
operation have a gay friend backfired
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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