Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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