I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
