don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
