I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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