Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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