My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
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Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
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I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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