he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
