Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
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don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
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Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?