Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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