I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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