they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
