kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
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I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
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Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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