dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Still dying that you shit outside
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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