Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
