I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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