I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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