So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
