I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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