you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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