Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
