oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
