I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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