this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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