I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
