Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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