you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
