Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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