So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
