At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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