My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
