Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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