no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
my liver is dry heaving
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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