THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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