i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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