It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
