Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
