I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
