I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
