No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
