smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
