Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
