I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
