Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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