All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
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you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
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Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .