i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
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I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.