Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?