I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car