just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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