Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
