i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
