I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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