Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
