Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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