No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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