Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
