I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
