sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Green mimosas i think yes
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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