the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
